Updated: Jul 17, 2020
Acquisitions, Escapes and Broken Dreams
It was bound to happen. I mean really, I’ve never seen someone make more love from social networking than Casalty so there was bound to be a salacious scandal at some point. On Instagram alone he was up to astronomical numbers then Tinder comes along and it was like stealing candy from a baby. Which ironically is what got him into so much trouble I guess you could say. See it turns out one of his liaisons was a bit younger than most and pops wasn’t so happy that Ball Coozy was hanging around this budding beauty. The option he laid out was simple “you better get the fuck out of town by high noon or there is going to be a bloody showdown.” I realize that’s some corny cowboy shit but Jah Mess took heed and headed out nonetheless. Don’t get me wrong Salt Mine is both equal parts lover and fighter and it’s not like him to back down from a good scuffle but the thought of heading to the sunny beaches of Costa Rica to lay low for a bit sounded better than squaring off against a pissed off dad. BTW I’m not bringing this up to get you up to date on the TMZ style life that Salt Mine leads, I am just trying to give you a little background as to why it’s taken so long to get this fucking latest Weekend Love Fest out. Being a professional poon hound aside Little Jimmy’s other job is supposed to be my right hand man when it comes to back up photos and inspirational writing for this dribble we pass off as a skateboard blog. And now that he’s rubbing sun tan lotion on rich old ladies somewhere in Costa Rica it makes my heavy workload all the heavier. As hard as it is to admit not having his 2nd string skills in town to stoke my creative fire has made it a rough go to keep up with my job as a semi professional skateboard blogger. I mean where would Batman be without Robin or OJ Simpson with out Kato Kaelin? I’m not exactly sure but I know their blogs wouldn’t be updated as often as they should be. If only he could have kept his dick in his pant’s and his eye on the 4 wheel prize you our loyal readers would be entertained far more often.
“Now that he’s rubbing sun tan lotion on rich old ladies somewhere in Costa Rica it makes my heavy workload all the heavier.”
Enough however inevitably becomes enough and my camera seems to start sending me telepathic messages from inside my bag to pick it up and point it at some ripping. Even though Salty was on the run, it was high time to gather up the remaining dudes and do what we do best- pack a shit load of skateboarding and filming into a short amount of time. After a few calls it turned out we were actually two dudes down though cuz Hesh was out on one of his many excursions across the globe taste testing the many strains of cannabis mother earth has to offer. Oh well, that leaves the ripping duties to team captain Ryan and everyone’s favorite male model Hot Cheese. After a little discussion Beeb’s bowl up in Auburn was the spot of choice and the plans were laid out for what looked like would be a pretty mellow weekend of schralp this time. Gerardo has never been up to Auburn so he was super hyped on the idea of hitting up this wonderful new clover bowl and immediately started throwing out claims of a Willy Grind Revert attempt in the deep. He swore up and down that it was happening and it was going down clean. Unfortunately on the night before our departure, while being the cultured man about town, Cheese found what he thought was a baggie full of Anthrax at a ultra hip art show he was attending. Not wanting any ill to happen to his fellow man Cheese volunteered to snort the whole bag of this mysterious white powder thereby saving the other hipsters from what was to be a sure demise. Luckily for him though the bag didn’t contain a lethal pathogen at all. Unlucky for us it turned out to be everyone’s favorite art show drug of choice the white horse commonly referred to as cocaine. Now I have nothing but admiration for a free score but unfortunately Hot Cheese forgot all about the next days plans for the WGR and instead spent all night talking about getting the band back together with some fellow bearded dudes. Yeah you guessed it, the party favors made him a complete shit bag for the next days highly anticipated session resulting in no Willy G attempts at all. As a matter of fact a mere rock and roll proved almost fatal for our young hero – It’s better to burn out than fade away I guess?
“Unfortunately Hot Cheese forgot all about the next days plans for the Willy grind revert and instead spent all night talking about getting the band back together with some fellow bearded dudes.”
Somehow these guys didn't find free blow?
At this point Meat Juice and I had what alcoholics call a moment of clarity – we needed to upgrade the squad with some heads that have aspirations of performing stunt monkey moves and possess more reliable traits. With Salty tripping balls on Ayahuasca somewhere in the jungle and the rest of our dudes displaying some questionable habits it became very clear now was the time to make a move. Please don’t get me wrong though, I don’t want to come across as a puritan by any means, but I’m just the goof pointing the camera. I could and have been on mushrooms or DMT and will still do a decent job recording our many moves and trips. When your on this side of the camera shit just ain’t that hard folks, when it comes to skating however shit can be real tough when your wasted. The glaring fact was, we needed some shredders and luckily the 2 new recruits weren’t hard at all to choose. We have been giving the world famous rocket scientist John Worthington and the farm hand extraordinaire Kerry Strahl boards for a minute now so it was high time to put them on board all proper style. Unfortunately that meant our once mellow jaunt was going to resemble another meth fueled blowout because we wanted to make this team upgrade official this very weekend. The itinerary now went like this – first up is Goodtime Gus’ bowl in the Grass Valley mountains to shred with Buttersworth, then over to the GV park for a afternoon sesh, hit the beeble bowl up in the morning, then off to the new Lathrop park to jump Kerry the Bag in and lastly over to Casa Rodzilla to throw a celebratory bash with the new riders. Here comes another fucking weekend that would surely leave us hurting mentally and physically.
“I could and have been on mushrooms or DMT and will still do a decent job recording our many moves and trips. When your on this side of the camera shit just ain’t that hard folks.”
Hot Cheese slams and finds another bag of chow....weird!
We arrived at the first spot and cleaned out the critters both dead and alive. While Hot Cheese was still mumbling incoherently and slamming all over the place our boy Meat Juice had his disco boots on and was quickly blasting his patented fronstide airs in every nook and cranny, and that’s not a easy task due to the sobering fact Gus’ bowl isn’t the easiest spot to ride. Our new recruit Buttersworth immediately started showing skills that only a local could possess and fucked up every inch of the bowl – dude had speed lines and fresh grinds in every corner and pocket the bowl had to offer. The aforementioned dance card was full though so after we collected some nice photos and clips we gathered up what remained in the 24 pack of Clooney’s and headed to the GV park for a sweet afternoon sesh. The rest of the weekend was much of the same so I won’t bore you with the trick list or any other boring stats that you will just glaze over but I will leave you with the simple fact the new guys murdered every spot. Things are looking tight with the new crew and even with one less photographer/ writer we are going to try and get back on a visual schedule and put out these mind expanding blogs at a more frequent pace. Just like grandma used to say “everything works out for a reason little Billy” so maybe James making love to a youngin and Hot Cheese getting blown out was just the universe telling us
we needed some fresh upgrades. Life has a funny way of working out sometimes I guess? If you’re wondering what has happened to Salty since his departure well quite frankly so are we. Not sure about the sun tan lotion and old ladies but we did hear he was robbed for his camera, iPhone and wallet and left for dead in Nicaragua during a soccer riot. I hear through the rumor mill he has recovered from his beating and runs a ice cream cart or something like that and is trying to save up enough money to someday make it back. Godspeed young man. As for our boy Hot Cheese he got out of the blow scene as quickly as he got into it and I’m happy to say the band never was reformed. He’s as handsome as ever and I’m happy to say he’s killing it once again!
“Our new recruit Buttersworth immediately started showing skills that only a local could possess and fucked up every inch of the bowl – dude had speed lines and fresh grinds in every corner and pocket the bowl had to offer.”
BONUS TREAT: BANANAS AND BLOW